Death Valley/TwitterThis weekend was the weekend of heat (as in the temperature, not to be confused with the Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy hit comedy, The Heat. Which, admittedly, was also hot this weekend).
Death Valley, Calif. broke the record for June highs on Sunday at 129 degrees. Las Vegas clocked in at a record-setting 117 degrees, while Southern California and Arizona were also plagued with triple digit heat.
This is our struggle:
It is 120 degrees. One hundred-and-twenty-effing-degrees.
Global warming is real. It is too real.
This is approximately what you look and feel like in the heat:
You can't go outside because the sidewalk has literally transformed into hot coals.
Every step you take is like walking into a wall of heat. You can't breathe.
You can't do anything without breaking into a sweat.
We're talking, nothing. You sweat standing still.
Forget sleeping.
Forget eating.
(Unless it comes in popsicle form.)
Maybe a day at the pool would be nice? Or or the beach, perhaps?
But then you realize: No.
Not only would that require walking (see above), but the beach is going to be packed with other overheated people, you're going to get sunburned (probably) and any pool you go to is going to will be 75 percent sweat at this point. Other people's sweat.
The devil is real. And he is this heat wave.
So stay indoors and pray for air conditioning.
And if you don't have A/C, well...
You're trapped.
Just pray for yourself.
Good luck.